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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

When 3mm is a Big deal

So, I've been absent from the blog world for a while.  This is partly because my camera is broken and the "thingy' I used to download my memory card onto my computer is missing.  But mostly, it is because my life has been crazy and I have been trying to process it all.
When last I mentioned my IVF cycle, I noted that 15 eggs had been removed.  Of those, four embryos were viable and returned to me.  Next followed 2 weeks of feeling lousy while my body responded to the over stimulation of my ovaries and mega hormones.  I was feeling pretty miserable.  I was convinced that the IVF wouldn't work and truthfully, I was beginning to not care.  I just wanted my non-hormone body back.  Then, the day before our 15th wedding anniversary, my husband came home unable to speak.   I called 911 and he was diagnosed with a TIA or mini stroke.  It can't be proved because thankfully, all his MRIs and CAT scans came back normal with no damage.  They also played around with the idea of it being some sort of migraine event since he had a terrible headache and eye pain.  Needless to say, our anniversary was spent at the hospital and not the highlight of the year.  However, we were thankful that the event was minor in retrospect, requiring Brian to now take a blood thinner for the rest of his life, but leaving him with no long lasting damage.  The next day, I went for my blood test.  I assured the nurse that I was NOT pregnant, she drew the blood and I went home.  Around 2 in the afternoon, she called me to tell me that I was most definitely pregnant.  I argued with her for a bit, thinking it was impossible.  When you have struggled with infertility for 15 years, were told the success rate for IVF over forty is about 10%, and had the kind of stressful few weeks I had had, you just are reluctant to believe.  But she was adamant, so I hung up, called the hospital and told my husband the news.  Somehow our anniversary seemed pretty exciting after all.

Just yesterday, I went for my first ultrasound.  I am just six weeks along and the baby is only 3mm.  However, we were able to see it's little heart beating already.  We couldn't hear it because the doctor said it had probably just started to beat within the last 24 hours and it was still so quiet.  But we saw on the monitor the little line go up and down.  So exciting.  Everything looks good so far.  It is still so early and I know so many things could go wrong.  But I am hopeful, praying like crazy and still trying to believe this is really happening.  So now, if only I could cure these dizzy/faint spells.  Luckily, nausea hasn't been too bad yet, I know that it could still come.  But I keep feeling faint and weak.  I guess this is normal?   Anyone have any suggestions?

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Remembering Adoption Day

I do not claim to have any sort of ESP, but I will say there have been several times in my life, when I knew, just somehow really knew, something was about to happen.  And I knew this little one was coming.  I knew that the 2 year wait was coming to an end.  Around the 10th of August, 2009, I got a strong feeling news of "our" baby was coming soon.  I let it quietly percolate in my heart.  On Wednesday night, I turned to my husband in bed and said, "The adoption agency will call tomorrow and tell us we've been picked."  "How do you know that?" he wondered.  "I just do.  I can feel it."  The next day I waited for the phone to ring, and when in the early afternoon, the caller ID showed the agency's number, I was not surprised.  I was told that a baby boy was to be born soon and we had been picked by the birth family to adopt this baby.  I called my husband at work and resisting the urge to say, "I told you so!"  informed him that he would soon be a father.   I could say that Austin was mine already, that he had been destined to be ours, to be part of our family, that God had made this match before He hung the stars.  And it would be true.  But not in the sight of the law.  That took place today, 2 years ago.  Adoption Day.

Austin was 8 months to the day on the day we went to the courthouse and he was proclaimed officially and forever a member of our family.  It was a hot day for so early in June and our car had no air condition.  I can't remember complaining, we were so excited and nervous.  Never having done this, we didn't know what to expect.  We were told the Judge would review our home study and paperwork from the agency and ask us a few questions.  Could he deny the adoption?  Would he see something in our paperwork that would be a problem?

Seven minutes.  From start to finish, it took seven minutes.  In about the same time as it takes to cook a pot of spaghetti, a new family was born.  I remember sitting in the witness stand and being asked if I was willing to love and care for Austin as if he were naturally born to me.  If I was willing to take on the responsibilities of being his parent.  Through tears and a huge lump in my throat, I answered, "Gladly".  It is a shame that not all parents get to stand before a court of law and publicly make this sort of commitment.  We take marriage vows but we have nothing similar when a child enters our lives and changes it forever.  So I was glad to have this moment, set aside in time, to remember when we officially became a family.  A memory to share with Austin through the years of when Papa and Mama stood up and told the world that he was, is and always will be ours and we will always love him.